Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
