all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
