end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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