I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
