sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
