just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
