More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize