Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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