You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
