I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
