And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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