He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
