"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
