you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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