He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize