rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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