Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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