she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
