i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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