There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
