he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
