My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
