There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
