In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
