Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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