Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
