Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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