He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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