I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
ok first of all what the fuck
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
