Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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