Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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