I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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