He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
