I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
