Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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