Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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