I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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