he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
