Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
