I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
