AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
