you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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