So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
