There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
