Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
