you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this will be a night to untag.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
