I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
