Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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