Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He felt like a one man threesome
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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