I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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