well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
