Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
