1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a hot homeless man
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
