That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
