Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
