I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
