Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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