she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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