Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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