So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
